just had to post the funniest thing i've ever seen. file this under "if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a vibrator." note the fact that the copy only touts it's ability to massage one's neck, feet and back, yet there are "related product" links to better sex videos, and you have to be 18 to buy one. and best of all, the wacky Japanese rotating jelly-rabbit vibe is photographed with it, along with a super-70s daisy, a la SUmmer's Eve douche ads, which i guess is supposed to (wait for it...) dull the effect.

true to my word, i am back this afternoon to tend my bloggy little garden some more. here is a great essay from Salon about one guy who left his broken heart in San Francisco, a town he loved -- and who doesn't? -- that was overrun and depsoiled by soulless zombie ravenous yuppie dotcommers. and speaking of Volkswagen-driving go-getters, check out this quote of the decade from a recently laid-off techie:

"Now I'm 30 years old, I have no job, I haven't had a date in months; I mean, who'd want to date me? I'm living at my aunt and uncle's house, sleeping in my cousin's old bedroom under a Laura Ashley bedspread. I mean, my relatives have been great, but--look, I had my own apartment. I'll probably have to sell my Passat next."

everybody together now: boo. hoo. hoo.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to dedicate this next song to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today. Cameron Frye, this one's for you..."

my dearest Marky has shaken me out of my bloglapse stupor. i promise to do better, for all you readers who dutifully click over to my unbelievably obscure little realm. *sniff* how could i fail you like this? yeah, well, that's all gonna change. we have Mark Schwartz to thank. yup, Mark Schwartz deserves to be recognized for his efforts. Mark Schwartz is a man who cares about this blog. He cares about many other things too, don't get me wrong, but Mark Schwartz always makes time for the little bloggers in his life. He is one smooth guy, that Mark Schwartz, but he is also a big, friendly geek. That's why he's online so much, and so diligently, that cunning Mark Schwartz. Mark Schwartz is, i would say, a renaissance man. We can all learn a lot from Mark Schwartz. You might even say that Mark Schwartz is an inspiration to ordinary mortals like you and me. Of course, maybe you feel Mark Schwartz still has a lot to learn about life, and that may be, who's to say? all i know is, i just can't say enough things about Mark Schwartz, god love him. that Mark Schwartz, what a character! i say, Mark Schwartzes of the world, unite!

thank you, danke soen, and goodnight...