ok, just as an aside, it *would* be kinda cool to be named Target. but only if you were my dog.

i promise that next week i will post nothing but cheerful, optimistic musings on the essential goodness of humanity and the multifarious joys of being alive in this world, but lately there is just so much good garbage to rant about i cannot resist. so, here's something for the WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?!?! file - a couple from Mt. Kisco NY has posted an auction on EBay for the naming rights to their newborn son. we now pause for your primal scream moment here.

they are starting the bidding at $500,000 (at least), and in exchange they will name their child after whichever corporate entity steps up to the plate. could be they name him Starbucks, Cocacola, Visa, Rolex, Mitsubishi, Hewlett-Packard, Motorola, Citibank, Adidas, Intel, Compaq, Tetley, Nabisco, Kodak, who the hell knows? what a great way to let your kid know just how much he's worth to you - by naming him Viacom! i've heard of pompous names (brothers named Harvard and Penn, after their parents' alma maters), cruel names (a girl named Monday Morning Mail after some Dylan song or something), and just plain dopey names (the couple who named their fifth kid ESPN because the dad watches it so much). but this, friends, really grazes the very bottom of the scummy fishtank of consumer capitalism. somewhere, George Orwell is chuckling over this. welcome to the world, Baby Gap.

to match the gloomy, though cool, Boston weather this morning, here's a cold cup of coffee for ya: in today's NYTimes, Bob Herbert writes about the World Bank's report on the global plague that is tobacco. according to this, tobacco will soon be the #1 cause of death in the developing world, bigger than AIDS, tuberculosis, malaria, car crashes, homicides, etc. AIDS and tobacco illnesses are the most rapidly growing health crises in the world. 4 times as many children in the third world take up smoking every day as in the West - that's about 68,000 or so. as i suggested to Mandy yesterday, the government should bust the tobacco companies and make nictoine available free, but only in injection and suppository form. it's so addictive people would still use it, but maybe some social stigma would finally arise around it. rather than looking cool, you would look like a real junkie freak shooting up outside your building on a smoke break, or constantly running to the ladies room to insert something in your rear to "calm your nerves." hmmmmm, i see a real future for myself in social engineering, don't you?

in other news, what the hell is wrong with Derek Lowe? once again he fritters away the Red Sox lead in the final inning, getting blown out with a big fat Toronto homer. i say switch him with Garces. let him screw things up and give Beck and Garces a chance to really warm up before they close. hmmm, could it be that i detest Lowe because of his resemblance to my cruel high school crush? nah, it's just because he just rots.

to continue with my ranting about socio-racial news, Boston.com has posted an article about the sole Latino mayoral candidate, which begins this way: "Boston is more than 50% minority." um, can anybody count anymore? or use proper grammar, for that matter?

for advice, i suggest we all turn to Bonita, the wonderful Latina talkshow host and advice columnist from our perennial favorite periodical, L'Oignon. Se amo!