i knew i went to law school for a reason. it was so i could learn about things like the patent for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. what a great country we live in!

ok, just a little headsup, this is a real idiotbox-fest kinda day here in PQWorld, so if you're feeling a little *over* my pop rantings you might want to just tune back in when i have a chance to get to something more highfalutin and intellectual and all. just a thought.

true story: when i was a kid, i had four goldfish named Emmy, Tony, Oscar and Grammy. this explains a great deal, doesn't it? somehow that relates to the fact that the Emmy nominations were announced this morning, and a few little shout-outs need to be made, i think. first off, of course The Sopranos leads the pack, with 20+ nominations. so whaddyagonnado? let's talk about the capicola. next, true sitcom genius has finally been recognized with Malcolm in the Middle, with noms for the show and for Mom/Lois/Jane Kaczmarek and Malcolm/Frankie Muniz. the only drawback there is that Dad/Hal/Bryan Cranston didn't get one, he is my favorite. and it must be a red letter day in the Kaczmarek/Whitford household, where Bradley Whitford, Josh on West Wing, lives with Jane K. - he was nominated too. they have come a long way from co-starring on Touched By An Angel, thank god. and finally, on an appropriately acidic, bitchy note, let's pause to imagine the first day back on the set of Will & Grace this fall, which was nominated for best comedy: the only cast memeber who was not nominated for an acting award is, need we even say it, Debra Messing/Grace, who we just can't seem to like in the least, even after all this time. i guess it's not her fault they keep dressing her up like a Boogie Nights Barbie, but still, it must be some kind of sign.

hmmmm, does this seem troubling to anyone? American Airlines is introducing a service to frequent flyers: you can "check in " for your flight over the phone. you call a number, answer those "Has anyone asked you to carry a bag for them?" questions to an *automated attendant* and then you whisk right onto your flight, carry-on bags only. lovely.

i thought it couldn't sink lower than the very suspect E-Ticket system; when i went to LA in May i bought my ticket online, went to the airport, went right to the gate, slid my ticket into a little machine and whisked right onto the plane, thinking the whole time, "I could've used a fake name, fake credit card, fake ID, etc. and could have a Thermos full of anthrax in my bag, and there'd be no way to trace it." this on top of the fact that most airport security counters are staffed by half-wit teenagers, or at least the ones in Newark Airport are. i once had my backpack searched by an indolent young lass who unzipped it, rooted her hand around inside for a second, said to me, 'you know, i don't even know what i'm lookin' for - here you go!" eeeeeep. between terrorphobia and those shots in "Cast Away" of the plane nosediving towards the ocean, i'm about ready to Amtrak it from now on. i'm sure Marky appreciates this.

oh Ben Affleck, we harldy knew ye. that's right folks, he of the incongruously attractive potato-shaped head, local Cantabridgian boy made good, and portrayer of the world's first dyslexic action hero (in Pearl Harbor), is doing something very naughty for Diet Coke, my own sweet opiate of choice. sip sip sip...aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

just when you thought she had signed off forever...

this is what a few days of "new job" yields - a fine urban legend in the making, involving a hit movie, an ice cream conglomerate, and of course, some Pop Rocks. long story short, don't let your five-year-old eat that 'Shrek'-flavored ice cream, she might swallow the Pop Rocks in it whole, and swell up rather painfully.

as usual, i promise more for later...i leave you with yet another tip o'the tiara to Steve Carrell of The Daily Show, who pointed out to us last night, "As you may or may not be aware, sex can, in fact, sell!"